Dead Stars

     After a relaxing vacation, I'm back with the promised guest post written by my good friend Neriz Cruz Gabelo which features a photo from another good friend Elvert de la Cruz Bañares.  I introduced them both on the prelude to this post.  

Here's the full article:

DEAD STARS

     He was in his mid-life with a successful career and a very supportive long-time girlfriend by his side.  Everything was running on smoothly.  It would just be a matter of timing when he would finally leave his bachelorhood to tie the knot with his fiancée UNTIL he met another girl and their world was never the same again.  Does it sound like I am talking about your love story?  The man in the story was Alfredo Salazar, a serious lawyer, who skipped most of his youth to fulfill his aim of becoming a trial lawyer.  He was engaged to Esperanza until Julia Salas came into the picture and prompted Alfredo to make a crucial choice between what his duties call for him to do as a responsible boyfriend and what his heart really longs to have.  He eventually ended up marrying Esperanza but longed for Julia Salas all his life.  Talk about the song lyrics: “Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you or are you coming back to the one you love?”  But the story did not end there.

*Photo courtesy of Elvert de la Cruz Bañares.

     The story was a classic written by a prolific writer Paz Marquez-Benitez during the post-World War II.  She was one of the few Filipino writers who patterned her works under the tutelage of American writers who enforced their language on the learners at that time.  But what made her such a brilliant writer was her poignant depiction of a universal emotion that knows no age, gender, economic status, race and what-have-you:  THE LONGING FOR A LOVE THAT COULD HAVE BEEN.  The story is entitled, “Dead Stars.”

     We all have our own share of being the Alfredo, the Esperanza or even the Julia Salas in our own stories.  We all have loved and lost.  Blessed much are those who end up marrying their one GREAT LOVE.  But many still live in the what-could-have-been fantasia that Alfredo got himself in after marrying his wife.

Why should there be THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY in a relationship?

     You meet the one; invest emotions you kept precious and hidden for the longest time.  You gamble on careers, on money, but never with the affairs of the heart.  Hearts are just too prized to allow anybody to break it -- but it happens.  No reason can explain how and why you FALL.  You just do.  Like it’s the most natural thing that can happen because of the force of gravity that pulls you to fall.  That makes FALLING IN LOVE not a choice but a condition.  Everything SHOULD HAVE BEEN that simple.  But there will be people who will be hurt -- including YOU in the process.  The prompt to choose between who YOU HAVE now and who YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO HAVE hurts all of you.  You hurt the one you choose but can not fully love because you are held beck by the ONE that you let go.  You hurt the one that you LET GO OF because you are duty-bound.  Most of all, YOU hurt yourself for being a coward who can not stand firm on what you want and what can make you happy.  Then you end up wishing and fantasizing about “WHAT-COULD-HAVE-BEEN.” Because then you have had THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY.

     That was the predicament of Alfredo Salazar in the story.  He married Esperanza as the society expected of him but longed for Julia Salas whom he had to let go because he was to be married. Just that.  He was caught between what was ethically correct and what could-have-been.

The Dead Stars

*A dead star, photo courtesy of NASA.

     Astronomers say that dead stars do not fall off from the skies.  They remain in their appointed places in the skies while slowly losing the glimmer that once shone and attracted people to them.  In the story, Alfredo lived an unhappy life with wife Esperanza.  At the back of his mind, he was thinking of what his life would have been had he chosen Julia Salas.  In his heart, he wanted to meet Julia again.  To rekindle the passion that he used to feel for her.  To experience once more the turmoil that he felt when he had to make that crucial choice to let her go for a more stable relationship with Esperanza.  And so when he got the chance to do so, he grabbed it to its core.  One unexpected visit made everything clear to him.  He met Julia again. Looked deeply into her eyes and soul as if prying, digging into her heart and hoping he could exhume the fervor that once moved him to lose his center.  He couldn’t find that LOST LOVE.  He experimentally pressed her hand before saying goodbye.  That’s when he realized that the love he used to nurture has long been dead and buried.  His fantasy of what-could-have-been ended right there.  Now he feels a longing for his real home -- in the heart of his TRUE love -- Esperanza.  Then the story ended.
    
     Folks, we all have our own DEAD STARS but we refuse to bury them.  We want them alive in our memories.  We feed them with illusive thoughts that life would have been any better had we ended up with the ONE THAT GOT AWAY.  Closure is essential in any failed relationship -- including pseudo relationships, long-standing and even the undefined ones.  But in case a chance at closure is not granted, look back to this story.  Don’t be another Alfredo who wasted his time on his deceptive illusions.  In case you can’t look back to this blog, just try to look up and see that the DEAD STARS are still up there in the skies -- occupying their appointed places but the flicker is gone -- so is your passion.  For THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY has already GONE and THE ONE THAT YOU HAVE is HERE TO STAY.  Value them. ☺

What is your share of your personal dead star? ☺

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     I don't totally agree with Madam Neriz that falling in love is a condition not a choice.  That's just proof, however, that all of us have different outlook on love and I might just discuss mine on a future post.  Regardless the disagreement, I most definitely enjoyed the conclusion of this post.  Thank you Madam for this wonderful writing.  Your words are truly inspiring.
    
     Love, for some of us, is a journey and many may not reach their destination.  But while we can, let's learn to cherish every moment each step of the way.  May we enjoy all the happy times for they give us the memories to remember; may we learn to appreciate the pains for they give us the wisdom we need; may we not forget the lessons for they teach us how to be vigilant; and finally, let's learn to embrace all the cliches for it's what makes us human and real.

     Fellow bloggers, dear friends and supporters, thank you so much for reading.  Like my guest writer asked towards the end of her article -- tell us a version of your own dead star.  I'll be glad to read about them!

*Credits for the first photo:
Image: Elvert de la Cruz Bañares
Models: Leonard Lim III and Roselle Kathleen Mariano
Thanks: Catherine Dominguez

*Second photo taken from NASA website
*Read the short story "Dead Stars" by Paz Marquez-Benitez HERE.